Disclaimer…land

Many who view this site may be slightly perturbed by its contents. Therefore, I have decided to provide a few disclaimers about what shall be contained herein. Enjoy my saving my legal ass!

• I hold no ownership of anything discussed in any of these articles. Were I to hold ownership of them, I would feel less inclined to tear them to shreds so violently with my words. I have my dignity, after all. Clearly, those I write about do not, if they’re willing to release such horrid pieces of “art”. The articles themselves, however, are 100% mine.

• The discussions contained herein are my opinion. I may treat my opinion as fact (which, more often than not, I genuinely believe it is), but it is merely opinion. For example, were I to say that Joaquin Phoenix is the worst thing to enter the acting world since Richard Dreyfuss, that would (technically) not be a fact (even though it is).

• I occasionally take poetic license. For example, I may say that watching Chasing Amy makes me want to shank a puppy, but as much as I despise it, I do not in fact want to shank a puppy. I wait until they grow up. Just kidding. Maybe.

• I am not a professional in the film industry… but I’m going to be. Therefore, I am entitled to tell other writers that their work is, how shall I put it… a worthless, festering pile of llama excrement. Of course, you don’t get to see my work, so you’ll just have to assume that I am, in a word, scrumtrelescent.

• Though my opinion matters, yours does not. Feel free to try and burn me in effigy with your comments, you little consumer sheep, and I will simply turn a Van-Gogh missing ear to you. By the way I have two ears, and I hear very well out of both of them. I also am quite entertained by differing opinions, so attack away. I will enjoy a good laugh at your expense

in your face

…with you.

• I win. That’s all you need to know.

 

 

• Oh, right. And my finger bends in interesting ways. That is all.

• Don’t talk about Fight Club.

• Fin.